long gone.

It is cold in this room
and as usual, I am numb from
the tip of my feet to the most
solitary side of my heart.

I try to compose myself and
As I remember those painful words
I try to keep control of my emotions,
of my expressions that reveal everything.
I don't have any interest in letting
anyone know of how I truly feel.

Although the heart is slowly dissapearing
he still has the courage to demand for help as
if by crying out loud, we would go anywhere.

As I connect my world to the reality,
I commit myself to push away those who
believe they care about me. How it's one
expected to understand ones pain?
nobody is going through the pain and
destruction I am going through. And I hope
no one will. Every stab constantly rewinds in
my mind, and missing my dad? certainly
cannot go a day without a memory of him.

My faded heart is full of lost souls,
of broken promises and cold memories.
This phase has last for so long,
I do not see it's end. But when
it does I will pick up myself and
I will clean up this mess I have left behind
called: Pam.

lucky you.

I have fallen. Yes,

I am reaching the point
in where everything
she says, punctuates
like bullets into my heart.
I have a crush but a forbidden one.
I feel my eyes driving through the crowds
in the search of her face and find myself thinking
of how my life would change if I ever allow her in my heart.

Sometimes I wish it would all go away
but other times I just want to free it all to her.
Of course I'm fighting against it. But my mind
denies it.

Everything changes when she is in the room.
Hours pass by, people dissapear, air gets thick.
At times when she is not looking;
I stare at her with amusement, insecurity,
fear. Do I want to love her? or do I already need her?
and If I do want to love her, why does it has to feel
as if I'm the only one going crazy?. I am starting to think
love could posibly bring loneliness as well.

Speak the mind

"Your in love with the idea of moving on"

were her words.

Sometimes I wished she really
understood the meaning of it because
to her these are just words but to me,
they are my dark road.

I hear my thoughts persuade
my heart to make rational decisions
and as I walk this dirty path of loneliness,
I surrender to the cold wind that travels underneath
my skin.

And her words come back to life,
as if they were describing every single
step I'm about to make.
I gotta move on
But this cold wind which has become my friend,
does not want to let me go.
And I don't know if I wanna go either.