Put my heart on top of a cold stone this time.

It has been 2 years now.
Since the first time I met his eyes.
Things been so wrong since then.
I have gotten so many different sights from my heart.
First hate & rejection.
Then kindness & understanding.
We've been through so much (or at least that's how I see it)
you have been rude to me & I have been rude to you.
But 3 months to now, things have change. Suddenly I seem to hear the sound of my heart beat faster at
the sound of your steps. Suddenly my day seem to bright up at the thought of your presence.
But even then I didn't put much of attention to this feeling
and just laugh at the idea of really feeling something for you.
I mean. I never thought this could happen to me.
And when I realize how much of this power have gone out of control. I just shake my head and all thoughts involved.
So, I decided to stop any type of absolute bond with you.
Of course, we don't talk. And as long as this feeling over-runs my head it would stay that way.
Pathetic I feel sometimes, when to cease my thirsts I run behind you. I feel like crying my heart out
and let you know of this...Obsession. But of course that would be like stabbing my heart with a knife and scissors.
But today was the extreme. Besides being a ridiculous Stalker. I google "what to do when you have a crush  on a teacher" I could barely remember everything I read. The only words that stood out were: Illegal, NOT in love, Impossible, Phase, Temporary, Obsession.... and I felt so dumb.
I look at myself in the mirror and I laugh. Is this alright?
They say it's just a phase, to enjoy the feeling while it lasts because 3 years from now this would just be a memory. I hope these years pass on quick because everytime you get an inch closed, my air disappears. I don't see this as something "Fun" anymore. This bothers me, this feeling of wanting something Impossible. It hurts to dream alone, is like a curse. This feeling come and go, I can leave for weeks and come back and this desire will still be there. I can get distracted and not see you for a week. And as soon as you meet my eyes in the hall way my whole body shakes. Goose bumps, shocks, I can feel the burning blood rush through my veins in a sec. My body becomes numb and my face turns blank with no expression, time stops for me. All this in a merely second, or perhaps more because the next thing I hear is the late bell.
is it fair? not really. does he know? well isn't it obvious?