I can't help

I can't help wanting you.
I can't help feeling like someone
that you don't need in your life.
I can't help not feeling loved.
I can't help wanting to be there,
even when you don't want me to.
I can't help falling in love,
and wanting to repeat those words
over, and over again.
I can't help being stubborn around you,
since being stubborn is what has kept me
close to you after all.
I can't help wanting to see, touch, hear
you; Feel your breath right next to me.
I can't help putting on replay those
songs you love so much.
I can't help being scare, fearing loosing
you or loosing me instead.
I can't help not agreeing with our
agreenment. What happens if our plan
doesn't work?
I can't help being jealous of the
idea of another girl being there.
I can't help being selfish.
I can't help missing you this much.
I can't help my heart from beating
the heck out of me when I have your attention.
I can't help thinking about you in the car,
at work, on my way to church.
I can't help it, I can't help myself.
I might be wrong, I know. But you can't
help this stubborn soul, now can you?

Put my heart on top of a cold stone this time.

It has been 2 years now.
Since the first time I met his eyes.
Things been so wrong since then.
I have gotten so many different sights from my heart.
First hate & rejection.
Then kindness & understanding.
We've been through so much (or at least that's how I see it)
you have been rude to me & I have been rude to you.
But 3 months to now, things have change. Suddenly I seem to hear the sound of my heart beat faster at
the sound of your steps. Suddenly my day seem to bright up at the thought of your presence.
But even then I didn't put much of attention to this feeling
and just laugh at the idea of really feeling something for you.
I mean. I never thought this could happen to me.
And when I realize how much of this power have gone out of control. I just shake my head and all thoughts involved.
So, I decided to stop any type of absolute bond with you.
Of course, we don't talk. And as long as this feeling over-runs my head it would stay that way.
Pathetic I feel sometimes, when to cease my thirsts I run behind you. I feel like crying my heart out
and let you know of this...Obsession. But of course that would be like stabbing my heart with a knife and scissors.
But today was the extreme. Besides being a ridiculous Stalker. I google "what to do when you have a crush  on a teacher" I could barely remember everything I read. The only words that stood out were: Illegal, NOT in love, Impossible, Phase, Temporary, Obsession.... and I felt so dumb.
I look at myself in the mirror and I laugh. Is this alright?
They say it's just a phase, to enjoy the feeling while it lasts because 3 years from now this would just be a memory. I hope these years pass on quick because everytime you get an inch closed, my air disappears. I don't see this as something "Fun" anymore. This bothers me, this feeling of wanting something Impossible. It hurts to dream alone, is like a curse. This feeling come and go, I can leave for weeks and come back and this desire will still be there. I can get distracted and not see you for a week. And as soon as you meet my eyes in the hall way my whole body shakes. Goose bumps, shocks, I can feel the burning blood rush through my veins in a sec. My body becomes numb and my face turns blank with no expression, time stops for me. All this in a merely second, or perhaps more because the next thing I hear is the late bell.
is it fair? not really. does he know? well isn't it obvious?

P.1

I wake up that morning; thinking, analyzing the sun.
How could this be me?
In what moment....
At what time did I decided to give up?
When did I get lost in my own life?

As I walk towards the door,
I see the clouds consummate in the sky.
Is it me or they seem to be smiling?.
I keep holding these thoughts,
And walking towards the check out lady,
She smiles and say; "Hi! checking out?"
Inside of me I laugh,
From far away her eyes reveal the pleasure of us leaving...

And sometimes I just wish that my mind would Stop!
Stop analyzing, thinking, creating, criticizing,
the world & everything in it.

And because of that reason,
I am where I am; in this deep hole that, I, myself created.
I could have stopped, long time ago...or perhaps I couldn't.
Maybe I never should of have listened to my mind...

But how do I deal with my mind when my heart is as crazy as my thoughts?
Nobody would be able to understand...
Right, so back to the lady.
Life is about turns and twists.I knew that since before I was born,
And sometimes I'm scare one day I might just die...
Scare that; the one person that can save me, won't come on time.

I don't want to die inside. I don't want to feel as if,
The world is right and I'm wrong. Because that sucks!

So, I wish. Everyday I pray; that my hero comes, with the rain -as Taylor would say-
Hope and wish, my ordinary hero come to save me in my moment of delirium. So that
I can stop my mind from these crazy thoughts and maybe concentrate in something real.

~Few words to begin with~

I been trying to create this website since last year.
I even created it once but end it up deleting it the next day.
I do not know why this have been so hard to start with. I love writing,
but sometimes I'm scare of really describing who I am.
Putting my heart out there -Again- with no covers,
nude, naked. Like falling in love.

But, finally I decided to open up, for once and for all.
Fall in love with my writings, just like I did a while ago.
I am willing to give my all, to my true love: Poetry.
I have the need of sharing with everyone, the world
that floats in my head; the characters that I find myself discussing with.

I, finally decided to let others take a look at the unseen,
To that, which I have only let -some- of you enjoy;
and when I mention "you or others",
I am referring to those who will find my website by mistake
or perhaps have been following me for a while,
Maybe since my beginnings in Myspace or Facebook.

To whoever enters this website:
Welcome.. Your eyes are now in the unseen.
In the unseen part of my heart.

~The Author.