Quick note of update.

Dear dead body of mines,

how i'm adresssing u these days should

not surprised u at all, since all u've been doing

lately is pass out in front of my dreams.

I was told by one of the muscles of my

mind called cerebrum, that I must

express you how I truly feel and

how the things i am dealing with

constantly bother the who i am,

and the who i am

trying to be.

First of all;

DISSAPOINTMENT

is getting the ultimate energy

out of me. From people

leaving me behind, to others

stepping on me. is it alright? no.

then why do i allow it? because i'm weak.

Along with dissapointment, comes the school work,

of which i thought i was ready yet things such as "clubs & sports"

keep popping up and setting me apart from my most wanted

dream: college.

I am in a delta speed of finding my strenght

through the cracks of this broken muscle called heart.

but i am honestly finding myself more weak as the days pass

by and this weakness is making me cold as ever, from my fingers

to the way i proyect my interior and

of course it's overwhelming my black hole of which

i am more deepen in. Yes i need help. yet i need

no one because i do so much better, alone.

and my last concern...

that all my mental problems

show in my everyday life as

one simple action: eating. And

along with that habit; i no longer

find my inner HOPE for my unseen

yet miraculous God.

(how to save a life-The Fray)



Open wounds, open heart.

I saw you today,

in no time my heart stopped.
With no cautious, blood rushed
to the most infinite vein inside of me.
And the lyrics of that song keep coming
back to my mind. "we had magic"

I've been forbidden to think of you, for the sake
of my soul, for the sake of my heart. Yet I saw you
today and all boundaries trembled. I hate to think that
such weak & ignorant self as you could do so much to me.


I can have you fall to the ground if I wanted to, because I MADE YOU.
-or at least who you used to be-.
You elicited all your answers and targeted them to destroy
me, to destroy US.

how does it feel, to circumvent for an already given answer?
I wonder if you ever see yourself as what you have become:
a transparent copy of everything you promised you'd never be.
And because of that, you failed to me, to your dreams,
to your hopes, but most importantly you failed..
to YOURSELF.

Now, this feeling of revulsion and desire for you, hunts my nights.
My reasonings find it so abstruse, how can a person you loved
so much hurt you this way? and a part of me answers: "how
could you be SO stupid to NOT think he could?"

These wounds of mines, I hold you accountable for and
your actions will forever remain inconceivable to me.
And if anyone is to blame for not trying,
and if anyone is to blame of why I no longer love as fully as I used to;
I suggest you to look in the mirror. There you'll find that
onerous answer that inconceivably you avoid, my love.

Deceiving Love

Could it be possible to deceive Love?
Could Love be locked up in a place
with no windows, and still survive?
So that whatever is left would no longer
be Love neither something close to.

Love is selfish and carefree.
It cannot be forbidden from the Sun
nor the Moon. Love is free to do whatever he wants
with us.

That is why you are hurt, that is why I am hurt.
And as much as I wish this would be the last time,
I am sure with my life, it won't.

Love wants it all;
your thoughts, your soul,
your hopes. As selfish as it can be,
and as spoiled as no other feeling.

Love therefore,
needs freedom to satisfy it's own
selfishness.

Love is denial as it is affirmation.
Completely blind to it's own light,
nonsense, stubborn for his own good.
-Althought it might not be ours-

Even the cold blooded soul falls
to the ground on that moment of weakness.
Yes, Love hides weakness behind it's strength,
because you must be weak in order to become strong.

So, why haven't anyone stop Love from these childish games
of his? Why not lock it up in a safe place till it turns into
nothing?

See, some of us praise his death yet we're still here
trying to decode his silly games, trying to figure out how to get some more of that poison.
Feeding him with that pain and envy of everything we will never
have, and everything we hope to find.

Towards that final chapter, when all games
have been finally knocked down. When Love
walks it's final steps to the end. He plays
his last Ace.

~Open His Wings~

And everything else goes as follow...

Amusement.
Admiration.
Adoration.
Distraction.
H O P E.

And that's when you give in. Forgetting
past pains because Love have deceived you
again. And to answer my own question.

Love always wins.

Analizing Death and it's subreactions into my everyday

.
As a perfectionist and
extremist everyone would expect
me to demand for complications.
I like things rather
simple. At moments of rush
there is nothing else but
Black and White.

For the past year and 5 months
death have been BLACK. My worst
enemy, my push over for revenge,
my fear.

I can recall dates, moments,
memories of the times I have been
through death.Whether have been emotionally
or phisically, I have been there.
Death is linked to an unauthorized loss
And that's the hardest part of all.
Letting Go. Even when you die inside,
how do you let go of those dead feelings?

RE-BIRTH.

The door, the world
that death have
open for me. Never saw how on
earth I could get some benefits.
From dying, from crashing,
from falling, from loosing.
Yet I'm here as a survivor
because Death have shown me
Strength and most than all;
it have shown me peace.

And no, you don't need to
go through this to find yourself.
Either appreciate your today -and everyone/everything in it-
or deal with what you gotta deal.
Yes, Death have it's dark side
but once you hit that point,
where else is there to look?

We make the choise to move on,
or to stay in the darkness, under the
heavy rain.

This has to deal a lot with self-motivation;
where you want to go or what you want to achieve.
When something ends, when your story reaches its goal,
when a world finalizes; it's moment for you to
re-born, come from ashes and begin a new chapter, a new you.
or when your story does not even touch its goal. Don't let that discourage you.
Because death is a ritual to success. We must die in order to live.
Both mentally and spiritually.

I have chosen darkness all the way.
From my dad's death to loosing a friendship.
But that is no longer my case. I know
what to expect out of darkness. I don't
enjoy it, I don't get anything out of it;
Just voluntary pain.

As long as I continue to fight,
to re-born when necessary, to open up
to the light that comes out of all endings.

I will be happy.
I will be successful.
I will be in peace with myself.
I will have the wisdom to see things
from both its dark and bright side and be
able to absorb what is ONLY beneficial
for my soul.
Have a happy life.

A loving fan letter

He has that great smile,
the one that captured my heart.

He has those deep brown eyes,
the ones that kill me, drown me, burn me;
with the most intensive fire.

I have never touch him yet
my hands look for him.

I have never kiss him yet
my throat thirst for his tongue.

Is this vibrant feeling of wanting him more and more.
Is this need of seeing him, that kills me slow.

But the most inmense feeling of all;
is the frustration of knowing;

that for more that I love him.
I will never be able to show him my love.

And misery is now my friend
because she understands my soul.

She knows; Im just another ordinary fan,
wishing for my star to come.

I know it will never happen. I mean,
how different could I be from out of the three thousand more?

I have to be real and stick with what I know.
Keep dreaming every night, for his sweet soul.

"Whoever wins your love must have been blessed from above"

When the world is crashing... Find the strenght

Life is full of misery;
So is the world.

When I criticize my neighbor,
I become what he was.

The world is full of turns,
and love is one of those.

As much as you love him.
He will never be yours.

Give up on your biggest fear
and fight for your goals.

Because life is about warriors
and the weaks end up alone.