I open my eyes to what feels to be soft and cold, perhaps it is snow that buries my unmovable body. I lay there hoping someone can figure out that I am still alive and, I hear voices calling names but none are calling mine. And that brings me to the question, "what is my name?"
I remember a room, full of pictures, there is a table with what seems to be sharp knifes and wires. "WIRES!" I can feel the burn of my hands and feet at the memory of those wires, it's a combination of pleasure, pain and warmth to my body. I feel compassion and attraction to the wires. They bring memories, so many memories flushing in and out and, in one second I'm laughing while the next I am crying out of pain.
I don't understand, the more I let the thoughts flush through my head, the more energy I feel towards the wires. They are burning, crushing my bones, with such intensity that almost brings me to pleasure. I come back to the present and focus on using that energy to free myself from whatever I am under. It's a heavy load, so soft but suffocating and overwhelming, no muscles in move, limited oxygen. I try to touch my face, and it's a complete illusion. There is no moving going on, but I close my eyes and imagine the feeling of my hands in contact with the outside.
"You're my dream girl"
It's what I hear, while he ties the wires to my feet. My eyes are open and lively watching everything happen but, the mind is rejoicing in the words, and in everything that flows out of his lips. It's like magic, his lips barely move but every word sounds so sweet, way too sweet. Then, he grabs my hands, the last free thing,
"I get to marry the girl of my dreams"
and it is as if I volunteer to surrender them, It's a hurtful knot and my pulse raises, but I could care less when I'm dancing with the devil.
Every morning after that felt like a preparation for a heart attack. The pulses felt stronger but, the physical pain was eased as long as his lips were whispering in my ear. Some days I was standing, others I was sitting, I observed the pictures in the room which none made sense. Pictures of letters, pictures of other pictures, shoes, notebook, bracelets, a t-shirt, a mug, a wallet. There is no correlation between the objects but, I know I've seen them before. I try to remember why I'm tied up again, but I struggle as much as I struggled to remember my name in reality. I asked questions, but they seem to have turned him violent towards me, and I breathe in as I watch the knifes flying my way. I take a few steps back and crumble to the bed, quick enough to remember that I am all tied up. "Ahhh" there is the pain, the pain in my reality, pain in my illusion, pain in my memories, from what? from moving? the wires? from a knife piercing my soul? I never understood the rules of the game, was I suppose to surrender and never question? was I suppose to stand quietly and never doubt? Or, was I suppose to believe everything was told and given, and be satisfied with it?
The flashbacks become more vivid, and the weight from the snow begins to intensify as the pain from the memories do. I remember passing out on the ground, tied up and naked to my soul. I said little before closing my eyes, but whatever I said was enough for him to untied the wires. And it burned, it burned so much, so, so, so much. I was free but the pain was worst than the knifes crushing me, than the wires accelerating my heart beat, than the "almost a heart attack" feeling every morning. "Take it as a lesson learned, never defy love" were the last words before I close my eyes.
I come back to reality, and I'm numb. I think the snow have frozen my body again, and it makes sense since the memory of the wires is gone. I hear a sound, I cannot make up the words but, someone is getting closer, and they are yelling desperately, almost nervously, but I am tired, I want to sleep now. It's getting closer but I canno--
"PAM!"
