Dias como hoy

Extraño al flaco de mi vida~

Analizing Death and it's subreactions into my everyday

.
As a perfectionist and
extremist everyone would expect
me to demand for complications.
I like things rather
simple. At moments of rush
there is nothing else but
Black and White.

For the past year and 5 months
death have been BLACK. My worst
enemy, my push over for revenge,
my fear.

I can recall dates, moments,
memories of the times I have been
through death.Whether have been emotionally
or phisically, I have been there.
Death is linked to an unauthorized loss
And that's the hardest part of all.
Letting Go. Even when you die inside,
how do you let go of those dead feelings?

RE-BIRTH.

The door, the world
that death have
open for me. Never saw how on
earth I could get some benefits.
From dying, from crashing,
from falling, from loosing.
Yet I'm here as a survivor
because Death have shown me
Strength and most than all;
it have shown me peace.

And no, you don't need to
go through this to find yourself.
Either appreciate your today -and everyone/everything in it-
or deal with what you gotta deal.
Yes, Death have it's dark side
but once you hit that point,
where else is there to look?

We make the choise to move on,
or to stay in the darkness, under the
heavy rain.

This has to deal a lot with self-motivation;
where you want to go or what you want to achieve.
When something ends, when your story reaches its goal,
when a world finalizes; it's moment for you to
re-born, come from ashes and begin a new chapter, a new you.
or when your story does not even touch its goal. Don't let that discourage you.
Because death is a ritual to success. We must die in order to live.
Both mentally and spiritually.

I have chosen darkness all the way.
From my dad's death to loosing a friendship.
But that is no longer my case. I know
what to expect out of darkness. I don't
enjoy it, I don't get anything out of it;
Just voluntary pain.

As long as I continue to fight,
to re-born when necessary, to open up
to the light that comes out of all endings.

I will be happy.
I will be successful.
I will be in peace with myself.
I will have the wisdom to see things
from both its dark and bright side and be
able to absorb what is ONLY beneficial
for my soul.
Have a happy life.

Tus pensamientos

No creas que en mi hay rencor.
Y disculpa si mi ser atormenta tu mente.
Pero no puedes esperar que olvide el
amor, despues que prometiste entregarme
todo lo que eras.

Quien eres hoy?
Preguntate y mirate al espejo,
Pues no estoy para juzgar
Pero mas ciego no puedes haberte vuelto.

Es imposible que de tanto amor que
te entrege, lo unico que recuerdes hoy en dia
es el dolor. Y mira si las cosas son diferentes,
yo te recuerdo con tanto amor.

Mientras que para ti, mi nombre es una maldicion.

Yo de masoquista -como muchos quieren llamarme-
sigo buscandote, esperando encontrarte bien
Pero cada vez que me acerco a ti, todo lo que
recibo es rechazo, maldiciones, confuciones.

"Crying like a bitch"

Asi me recuerdas.
Como piensas encontrar quien eres
si no sabes donde estas?
Si te has resignado a buscar placer en las cosas materiales
e innecesarias de este mundo. sin esencia.

Trato de analizarte, analizarme.
Culparme por todos los errores que cometi,
Pero aun si fuera yo la culpable de esta desdicha,
no hay forma en la que YO pueda haberte traido al
abismo en que TU decidiste caer.

A diferencia de ti, yo decidi a NO
resignarme, ni caer, Porque aunque hoy
todo sea nada; meses atras esto fue mi vida.
Fuiste mi vida y por ese amor que existio,
-Al que en las noches aun le rindo honores en
los recuerdos dorados de mi memoria- por
ese amor vivire y luchare. Buscare mis verdades
y me levantare de este fango en el que me has tirado.

-Si tu, aunque en tu mundo de fantacias e irrealidades quieras
tomar el papel de simplemente el "confundido"-

y para finalizar quiero decirte que con cada uno de
tus pensamientos y decisiones me has demostrado
ser todo lo que juraste nunca ser.

Error tuyo o mio?

Mio.
Por ser tan ingenua
y creer en ti sobre todas las cosas.

Todo fue una maldita ilucion

yo si te ame.

Con mis defectos,

con mis celos,

con mis locuras,

Pero te ame.

Y te amo.

Y siempre lo imagine

el dia en que despertaras y tus sentimeintos ya

no serian los mismos.

Pero a pesar de ese miedo.

Lo entrege todooooooooo.

Y no hay palabras para expresar el danio hecho,

no hay lagrimas que pueda llenar este vacio.

Trato de no odiarte.

Pero mi linea entre el amor y el odio ya se borro

con esta lluvia que aqui cae en mi.

MALDITA ESTUPIDEZ.

Que hago llorando por alguien que no siente?

una vida planeada y ahora a empezar desde cero

Deje de buscar culpables porque

eso ya no cambiara NADA.

En el medio de mi camino,

solo me queda llorar,

y ahogarme en mi abismo.

UN ERROR.

que bellas palabras!

UN ERROR.

soy para ti.

Pero Karma es paciente.

and so am I.

Hoy me levante con el alma y el corazon conectado

Que mañana tan hermosa,
lastima que deba despertar y enfrentar este
monstruo que me ha venido persiguiendo.

Aveces rio al ver partir aquellos que tanto dicen "amar"
pero que nunca tienen la valentia de luchar.

No rindo honores a los dioses griegos
pero me pregunto que hubiera pasado
si nunca hubieran separado los cuerpos.
Que seria de aquellas almas que hubieran nacido
sin desearse mutuamente.

Pero el problema (mi problema),
nunca ha sido falta de deseo
o de amor. El problema siempre ha sido
la gloriosa forma en que me arrodillo ante el amor.
lo testaruda e irracional que se vuelve el alma al hablar.

Que si mil veces caigo en miseria al otro dia
me levanto y caigo de nuevo.

Todo humano sabe amar,
algunos por ejemplo devotan su ser y su mente
al interes y otros que se devotan a la adoracion
del omnipotente. Yo me dedico a ambos.

He tomado decisiones dolorosas
para el humano y yo -ambos-
he tomado decisiones alegres
para Dios y para mi. Pero
aun no decido si hay algo mas que me detiene
a tomar la decision de cambiar mi vida.

Estoy llena de desiluciones pero no
estoy dispuesta a caer de nuevo.
Esta vez llevare mi ser al limite, quiero
conocer la verdadera fuerza que habita en mi
y talvez en ese misterio pueda perdonar.

Ya que nunca he de olvidar.

I find these words so truthful

Forfeit the game


Before somebody else takes you out of the frame

And puts your name to shame

Cover up your face

You can't run the race

The pace is too fast

You Just won't last



You love the way,I look at you

While taking pleasure in the awful things you put me through

You take away, if I give in

My life,my pride is broken



You like to think you're never wrong

(You live what you’ve learned)

You have to act like you're someone

(You live what you’ve learned)

You want someone to hurt like you

(You live what you’ve learned)

You want to share what you've been through

(You live what you’ve learned)



You love the things I say I'll do

The way I'll hurt myself again just to get back at you

You take away,when I give in

My life,my pride is broken



You like to think you're never wrong

(You live what you’ve learned)

You have to act like you're someone

(You live what you’ve learned)

You want someone to hurt like you

(You live what you’ve learned)

You want to share what you've been through

(You live what you’ve learned)



Forfeit the game

Before somebody else takes you out of the frame

And puts your name to shame

Cover up your face

You can't run the race

The pace is too fast

You Just won't last(2x)



You like to think you're never wrong

(You live what you’ve learned)

You have to act like you're someone

(You live what you’ve learned)

You want someone to hurt like you

(You live what you’ve learned)

You want to share what you've been through

(You live what you’ve learned)



You like to think you're never wrong (Forfeit the game)

(You live what you’ve learned)

You have to act like you're someone (Forfeit the game)

(You live what you’ve learned)

You want someone to hurt like you (Forfeit the game)

(You live what you’ve learned)

You want to share what you've been through

(You live what you’ve learned)

Point of Authority- Linkin Park

Words unspoken

Wisconsin boy, where are you going now?
you're departing from my life like a butterfly ready to fly.
I tried to stop you but it's too late now. My eyes are full
of tears but you are not to see me cry.

Wisconsin boy I love you more than I did yesterday.
I can't get off my head that beautiful smile of yours.
Although my mind eschew the feelings of my heart;
Deep inside you were and will always be a part of me.

Wisconsin boy don't forget about me now.
I know I never did anything to make you remember me.
But don't forget these sweet sad eyes of mines that
will always cry for thee.

     I love you desperately, unconditionally.
     Not only because of who you are but mostly
     because you are everything I'll never have.

Wisconsin boy goodbye now, may life separate you
from my sight but never from my heart.~