Hay dias que duran un milenio.

Hay dias; en los que mis lagrimas se secan y en vez de tristeza siento rabia.
Hay dias; en los que de tanto gritar, mi voz se pierde en el silencio.
Hay dias; en los que de tanto recordar, olvido mi nombre.
Hay dias que son tan oscuros, que los confundo con mis noches.
Hay dias; en los que todos los que me aman se acoplacan en un solo ser.
Y hay dias en los que de tanto mirar, desearia ser ciega.
Hay dias; en los que de tanto amar, desearia odiar. Porque la vida no es nada facil y amar es un complejo prematuro del dolor.
Hay dias; en los que de tanto creer en Dios, caigo en el pecado y le doy gracias por haber creado el purgatorio.
Desearia limpiar mi alma con agua divina. Bautizarme de nuevo, como cuando niña.
Hay dias; en los que me pregunto quien habra bautizado a San Juan Bautista.
Hay dias; en los que de tanto pensar desearia actuar, liberar mi mente de esta carcel mortal.
Hay dias; en los que mi lapiz y papel huyen de mi, evadiendo conmigo los horrores que oculta este mundo.
Hay dias; en los que mis deseos por combatir desaparecen y solo queda mi alma vacia en el medio camino de mis sueños.

Learning to let go.

Today I realized how unperfect everything was.

Today I look up to the sky and ask, why the lies?
You promised you'll be there for me ALWAYS,
But people are people and sometimes we change our minds.

I thought what we had was greater than a simple love.
I thought we could be friends after all.
It's normal that my thoughts are turned into mush.
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time.

Who said I wanted this?
I Never wanted to see you hurt.
I hope you know this isn't easy for me.
Perhaps it isn't easy for any of us.

I could say I tried,
to keep whatever was left alive.
But somehow you managed to break us apart.
Today I believe, the ones we trusted the most WILL push us
far away.

So, I should say good-bye.
Time to let you go.
I never thought I could actually do so,
but today life have proved me wrong.

Different roads.
Different minds.
No time to cry.
Time to move on.
Good-bye.

Thoughts of a kid.

"You're just a kid! you don't know what you're doing"

I put my head between my hands and allow a tear to run down my cheek.
As she calls my name I open the door and walked out, not knowing where to head.
I just knew I had to get out of that place.

My heart starts racing and I start walking fast.
I was looking for a place where no one would know
who I was. I look straight up and read Baskin robbins "not quite" I tell myself,
I look to my right, I see Musicalia "Bingo!"

The bell on top of the door rang as soon as I walked in,
and a man in a black suit welcome me and say,
"En que puedo ayudarle señorita?" (how may I help you miss?)
"Puedes retroceder el tiempo por mi?" (can you rewind time for me?)
The man look straight at me and then walks away. I smiled.

- just a kid huh-

The store was sort of surprising. I walked around a little bit reading the name
of artists out loud in my head. "Rancheras, Melody, Ricky Martin, Wisin y yandel."
and then I find a little cafeteria, I walked in. Go up to the person working there and while
my mind was deciding what to do with my thoughts, I put 100 pesos en la mesa and ask for a coke.

I just wish she knew, just wish so bad she knew! the sin she had committed;
the violation to my heart, to my thoughts, the who I am.
How could you, damn human? betray my heart!
Destroy part of the kingdom that I!
with my own hands have created.

Where is my Beowulf? oh dearest god I have found the Grendel of earth!
how do you dare, dirty human, to constrain me from something that have done no harm to
anyone.

"It's the truth anyways!, they all fake me love"

I take a zip of my coke, and remember the last conversation I had with my aunt..
she said I was old enough to know that coke would eventually kill me and then she asked me,
"do you want to die?"

I wonder.. I JUST wonder..
what would kill me first?

The lack of ignorance in my surrounds?
The lack of love?
The lack of understanding?
The lack of peace in the world?
The lack of Hope?
Or...
a bottle of coke?

En busca de explicaciones *March 16 2009*

Hoy, como qualquier otro lunes.
En los cuales los compromisos, los estudios y
el trabajo no son suficiente para abrumar todo mi tiempo;
volví a pensar en El, en la forma prohibida;
Volvi a recordar sus palabras coherentes de amor,
a revivir historias viejas, a rebuscar algun otro dolor escondido en los mantos viejos de mi memoria.

Hoy Lunes, por 5ta ves -y por miseria de la vida- entre a aquel viejo email,
que un dia por tratar de olvidar el pasado, huyendo de la verdad que aun me persigue,
tuve que abandonar; y ahí en aquel folder en el cual siguen guardados los mas dulces secretos
de mi lado oscuro, volví a sentir el nudo en el estomago, la rabia, la nostalgia, todos aquellos sentimientos que una ves les describi a rocío en el balcon de su casa.

Necesito saber lo que fue o lo que no fue,
y aunque se la verdad; Mi mente misteriosa y atrevida no se satisface con aquellas explicaciones
que detalladamente le doy.

Y es que ni el corazón esta satisfecho con mis reacciones,
los sentimientos son tan dificiles de dejar ir,
y es que el amor nunca se acaba siempre esta ahí,
los unicos que decidimos que hacer con el somo nosotros,
los misericordiosos & los miserables.

Y se que en parte yo lo destruí,
entonces cuando trato de explicar tal verdad a la mente y el corazon,
ellos como amigos y rivales se unen para estar en contra mia,
de mis verdades, de mis razones, de mis causas. Me entiendes?.
Ahora entiendes porque la guerra continua dentro de mi?
y el que estes cerca o lejos de mi, no hace NINGUNA diferencia,
pues mientras mas te tengo, mas te quiero y
mientras mas lejos estas,
mas cerca te quiero.


Las cosas no son faciles en este laberinto.

Dream or nightmare?

Last night I dream beauty.
I dream that my life was off pain and
That I didn't need to run away, anymore.

Last night I dream in colors, last night...
Last night I dream about you.

I dream you were alive
And woke up forgetting that you are not
There.

Reality sucks very bad.
And in this world full of selfishness,
Tears are trade it like candies in halloween.

Reality.

Sometimes I just gotta cry my heart out,
Let the darkness consume me and my deeper thoughts.
Consolation is not longer enough because the pain is always there.

But unfurtunatly he is NOT.

Seeing you again,
Was like finding myself.
&
Sometimes I feel like I was born to suffer,
Sometimes I see myself as a mistake.
I am a mistake.
But you can't really fix mistakes, instead you work with them.
Therefore I be the best mistake ever made.

Sometimes I feel like crying my heart out.
Letting my pain fly and darkness overcome my thoughts.

These minutes I take to let my thoughts be written by my fingers
Are the most precious moments of my life. Because I dont have to hide,
Because I can be the person that I feel like being. These precious minutes I value,
Trying to escape, to later on come back and realize that he is not there, nothing else is there
but my problems.

Alliteration.

Pure poison perhaps, Poor
thing that tries too hard,
to be something that she is not,
so sweet and so sad!
Her eyes; dark
brown, buried between the blue sky.
Her life; like lost soul, swims in the valleys of
eternity expecting exact explanation,
for something that is not.
Don't fear the Tic Tac Toc of the clock. If you still
waiting with wide willingness for love.
Don't dare to diminish hope.
Don't yet Zip the
heart, he has hopes he wish to touch.
So now, no naive shall tell you otherwise. You are Beautiful, and that's what counts.
Carry calmly, constant control
of your thoughts through the day, don't let nobody tell you what
they think tenets relates. You, youngful yet mindful person shall define your own tenet.
Life, looks like long
roads but towards the end you shall surely find
Love.

Encripta la poesia real

Raro este amor que me entregas a mi.

  A mas de lo que pido y espero de ti.

     Y por mas que lo pienso no dejo de sonreir.

        Mi mundo esta completo ahora que estas aqui.

            Una esencia vital ya eres para mi.

              No puedo evitar soñar y pensar en ti.

                 Dime, sientes como yo?

                   O, talvez lo quieres vivir.

  

Y si talvez te lo digo al oido cambiaria tu sentir?

                  Prestame tus alas y dejame soñar.

              Amarte en mis noches y mis dias nada mas.

          Mi corazon salta de alegria al saber que es verdad.

       Espero no acabe esta mi realidad.

    Lo mas sincero que existe, eres tu y nadie mas.

Amarte hasta el fin del mundo, podria volverse realidad.